Behavior Is Neither Good nor Bad, but Consonant or Dissonant

Saying it makes it so. I think therefore I am. Philosophical and morality injections into behavior have been going on since we have had a good enough grasp on language to create coherent thoughts. If so much of our realities we experience is subjective, how is it that good and bad play into our labels we apply to people, events, and situations in our lives? A part of it has to do with our emotional concepts and our application of our feelings which are largely subjective pinned to context created by culture. But when we can remove what is or isn’t good or bad what do we have left? Let’s get into it.

All animals in the kingdom have excellent communication skills. The lion does not have to be taught or told which animals it can chase. The gazelle does not have to go to gazelle school to be taught that when they see that lion they need to haul with the biological imperative. When animals meet, they just immediately know.

People have this same capability, but it is underdeveloped in us. Seventy thousand or so years ago this magnificent thing called language evolved in us and it co-opted an incredible amount of neural wiring in our brain that messed us our ability to receive and interpret energy signals. We still powerful transmit energy signals, but we are unaware of this. Our emotions are our energy signals, and our feelings are the directional path our energy travels.

Human communicative processes are clear. We use and crave words, but ninety percent of what we receive between one another is non-verbal. Tone, eye gaze, body language, and behavior are the things we receive regardless of the words we crave. Language is processed and created in the prefrontal cortex while the energy of emotion and what we feel is the province of the limbic system. These two signals meet in the thalamus, and this is where our problems occur. We routinely say things, things we want, things we may even want to believe, but our behavior is powered by the limbic system. We are all largely incongruent. Few things create bewilderment in us humans than incongruence. When someone tells us they love us but their behavior says otherwise, this creates powerful internal turbulence in us. Likewise, when someone is very loving in their behavior to us but can’t say the words to us, the same turbulence can occur

When people make us feel safe, calm, secure, relaxed, loved, they are running consonant interference. Babies have a bias to consonant interference. This is our authentic human state. Babies operate in the authentic human state. They don’t a fear in the world until it gets conditioned into them. They are loving, explorative, calming, and everything cohesive. They are consonant. Whether we realize it or not, every adult on the planet struggles to get back to this state. As children grow and experience things, life has a way making us all dissonant to some degree. At the extreme end people that make you anxious, scared, nervous, depressed, angry, frustrated, generally people that you don’t want to be around because they are judgmental and critical, they are running dissonant interference. This is the energy of repulsion.

We are the most social of all the social animals. We innately desire and need cohesion, connection, attachment. We all want and need consonance. We reject dissonance. Consonant interference and dissonant interference are two very different vibrational states that produce very different energies and frequencies. We’ve all felt it, experienced it, and we all unknowingly radiate it. The beauty of our brain is we can consciously work to get better in touch with this and restore some of those lost communicative signals connecting our power of language with behavior. We can become more congruent. And this starts with becoming consonant with the self. We cannot project or share what we don’t have for ourselves. Create a purpose, identify what you value and create behavior supportive of this. The feelings will then come and be supportive of everything creating a powerful loop of congruence. You are in your greatest best element when you can achieve this.

The biggest challenge we all face is mindfulness of this. We can easily seek ‘comfort’ in dissonant interference. The brain seeks comfort and can think that a turbulent body state is normal, it isn’t. The body inherently rejects this, and this is when the brain, mind and body are not congruent. This is the state of dis-ease. Be that person you want to be around. Be that person you want to be in a relationship with. Be that person you want to be friends with. This is how you can start to get in touch and create consonance. There is no good or bad but there is consonance and dissonance and we all inherently desire consonance. This is our authentic optimal state.

--

--

--

Elliot is a personal development author. His latest book, "The Bitter & The Sweet: Benefits of a Balanced Perspective in Life, and How to Achieve It" out now.

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

True Choice and the World’s Fabric

Care to dance?

Primal Emotions

Related image

MBTI Mistyped: Are You an INFJ or INFP/ISFJ?

Most Respectful Interpretation—100 Mental Models #031 👽

Willpower Is Not a Limited Resource

Woman sleeping on sofa in living room, book covering face.

How to Herd People in 5 Steps

How to respond appropriately when your country is on fire (and not in a good way) ?

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Elliot Yi

Elliot Yi

Elliot is a personal development author. His latest book, "The Bitter & The Sweet: Benefits of a Balanced Perspective in Life, and How to Achieve It" out now.

More from Medium

The state of your own being

Oil your boots

Remove Success and Failure from Your Vocabulary

Flexible Thinking